My sleep training journey
getting started with our bright day!
Parenthood is a never ending story. Every chapter comes with its crests and troughs. Things change at a rapid pace in the early years of child development. Being a mother for the first time is a constant learning process. I have an 8 month old. I thought of sharing something that worked for me well in the last couple of months.
I used to complain a lot in the initial weeks, post delivery. Sore Nipples, penguin walks, strained eyes. And all this time, I was cranky more than the baby and I was complaining more than her. She was expressing her discomfort and I was failing to understand. When my mom went back to India, I realized that all I am left with is I, me and myself. I started reaching out to other moms, doing lots of reading, experimenting. That’s how I discovered this magic of getting 8 to 10 hours of sleep at night. I tried to cry it out(CIO) and pick up, pick down methods. Not just for the night but also during day naps. The result made me realize I can do a better job as a mom when I am happy and well-rested.
Sleeping better in the night made a huge difference to my days.
As soon as you hear the CIO method, you shy away. Also, you face lots of judgemental people. Who tried to show they care for your baby more than you do. You try to convince yourself that sleepless nights are better than letting a baby cry for 10 mins or more. I asked around to other first time moms, what was their experience like. Not many spoke in its favour. I found one very confident mom with two kids who followed the CIO method. She got success twice. I happened to try it after my conversation with her.
I can not handle sleep deprivation. It is not possible to work with blurry eyes. And here I garnered the plan.
Most importantly I thought to discuss it with our Paediatrician:
In a regular paediatrician visit, I asked if Eva is ready for CIO. And the doctor said yes, at 6 months the baby should be ready for a minimum of 6 hours straight sleep without being fed. Curious and anxious me also wanted to know how many minutes I should let her cry. She said there is no better answer for this, follow your mom instinct. She gave me a checklist to follow for safety. Like do not put toys, blanket in the crib. Maintain the room temperature and also put her in the crib awake. Also be consistent and follow the same routine every day.
Once we got green light from doctor, I worked on bedtime routine:
I followed a sequence of dinner, bath, storytelling, breastfeed (optional) and good night. We moved her crib to her room. Set the camera and screen to monitor.
Part of me was still concerned. I let my husband know. Asked him to stop me if I go weak or emotional. Do not let me enter the room before the actual need.
A bit of reading about sleep training techniques was required before I get started,
I found,
- Pick up, put down
- Cry it out
- Check and console
- Chair method
And a few more. Pick up, put down and CIO suits best to our game. Why two methods? There is no strict formula that works for every parent. There are wide range of gentler approaches that can help. I wanted to make sure that I provide a little comfort when it comes to sleep regression or wonder weeks time and also if I do not feel right about letting her cry. I realize that one method can help for sometime but it will not stick for long so having options are better.
I always wanted to finish two milestones before I started sleep teaching.
- Start solids. Just so that I know that she is not hungry.
- Perfect rolling over. So she can adjust herself to a comfortable position.
For us, it’s 6 months.
After lots of back and forth finally I was ready for this adventure:
All set. Day one. I let her cry. It was hard. Very hard. I was watching her on screen.Those 12 to 15 minutes were the most difficult time of my life. I was crying too in the other room. I entered the room and lifted her up. I hugged her like never before. I breastfed her for comfort. After 5 mins I again put her to the crib and left the room. She started crying again and crying was not that intense this time. I saw hope, waited for 5 more mins and she dozed off. Surprisingly, it worked. My 30 to 40 mins effort was worth it. She slept straight for 8 hours. Best day after such a long and happy morning for both of us. She woke up smiling. The second day, the third day, and we continued this for a week or so. I was committed to continue doing this for at least 10 days and decide whether I want to continue or change it. Day by day, she reduced her cry, and I learned the best time for her sleep.
After a few days, both of us developed trust and got comfortable. Now she wakes up and continues playing in the crib for a while. I feel lucky to start my day with her adorable smile every morning. I make sure that I go pick her up when she is playing. I also made sure that Eva and I spent one-hour cuddling in my bed. Then we get out and start our bright day.
Sometimes I find her grunting, groaning at night but that does not require any action on my side. I take a few minutes and she settles back to sleep. I learned it is normal for babies to make sounds in sleep.
Everyday is different. My saviour is breastfeed and Pick up, put down method. Less or no cry and better sleep.
What changed:
When I heard the word sleep training, It was mostly captured as a “cry-it-out” method. it sounded like a loaded phrase. Eventually I learned, controlled crying is fine if it leads to better sleep. My perception about it changed.
This brought good energy and also established a better day schedule for both of us. It helps me decide for her what is a good time for activity.
Also gave her good safe space to practice motor skills with likely no danger.
Now she knows that she is capable of falling asleep independently.
Her first flight of freedom, to finding her own space.
She has freedom to sleep whenever she is tired without depending on my schedule. She is free to sleep whenever she wants. You get time to finish your chores or to have a nice drink.
Gave me courage to start day naps in the crib too. Surprisingly it worked. Now I don’t have to tell people to be quiet and I can use my juicer anytime.
Of course I did not take an easy route here. It has its own challenges.
It was draining initially. It gets even harder when the baby is not feeling well or going through a growth spurt (wonder weeks). That is where I learned about pick up, pick down method. This one is a little gentler approach. Check out available online material.
Many times I felt like letting her sleep with me. I went to my friend’s place for parties with her. That requires extra effort. What did I do there? That is another story. I had to stop myself a hundred times not to change anything.
Overall I tried not to introduce many changes to bed time routine. Even during wonder weeks or even when she drops her second day nap. Surprisingly better day naps leads to better night sleep. Well rested babies can sleep well at night.
I also believe that this is temporary and I am missing out on amazing sweet co-sleeping. Initially I felt the mom-guilt. To overcome it I make sure that I don’t miss any opportunity to cuddle or give hugs, kisses and fun play during the day.
“What if you do not have extra room for a baby? I met a mom friend and she gave me a solution for that. She said, she made an easy curtain and put that in between her bed and crib. It worked for them.”
Again, I am not an expert but I can totally continue this chain of spreading words. Just like I got encouraged by my friends’ experience, you might.
I am sure you understand that this is just my experience. There is no need to follow a regimented CIO method if you already developed a good sleeping habit. Practice and Patience made all these possible. People will judge you anyway regardless of what you choose here. You do what suits you and your child best.
